Le blog de la Bergerie                         Sharing the faith … in English … et en français!   

Don’t

1. Don’t reason or argue, aim for simplicity, patience and kindness for “Blessed are the peacemakers” .

2. Don’t yell and don’t confront! You are not there to scare them into shape.

3. Don’t ask too many questions (what did you have for lunch?) remember that routine questions for us can be frustrating for them; who wants to be quizzed when they thought you were just here to hug them. “Blessed are the poor in spirit” .

4. Don’t YOU be obstinate about making them do something, wait 5 minutes, then try again, exercise your own flexibility - which is another word for meekness…

5. Don’t indulge in a negative interior conversation (“this is crazy, this is getting worse”) it will only weaken you and make YOU feel bad.

6. Don’t see only the pessimistic and scary angle of the circumstances, find the funny ones and the quirky ones too, detach yourself from the situation, imagine it as a movie, a sort of epic/comic drama…

7. Don’t forget to appreciate and be thankful for the shared moments of calm and comfort, for any blessings of joy and tenderness.

But do:

1. Do give short explanations, allow time for comprehension and then some more. Remember “To clothe the naked” : elderly people are so vulnerable that they are “naked” in front of us and we should “cloth” them with a mantle of trust and love.

2. Do answer questions exactly the same way or change the wording slightly; know that it will not stop the repeating; accept and acquiesce for “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy”.

3. When needed, distract them to a different activity; think of it as “Visiting the ones in prison”; they are in the prison of their infirmities, they are stuck with the ignominies of sickness and old age, your visit should be a break for them.

4. Do treat them with dignity, Don’t speak to them like a child or, even worse, as if they were not there… We all want R E S P E C T.

5. Accept the blame when something is wrong, even if it is a misinterpretation; take it as a blessing that you can carry this small cross for them “Bear wrongs patiently” .

6. Be patient and kind, supportive and reassuring (remember that is what you would want if you were in their shoes).

7. And the best advice yet: practice 110% forgiveness! Jesus said “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” This forgiveness should be directed towards them as much as it should be towards ourselves, for the moments when we failed them. Forgive, forget and try again.