Le blog de la Bergerie
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Le blog de la Bergerie
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This afternoon, I sat next to her bed while she was resting
and I thought "This is a nightmare" but then I changed my line of thoughts because
what's the point about being negative and having harsh statements run circles
in your head so I tried to have more positive and creative thoughts such as
"No, it's more like a marathon". A long marathon for sure and a bizarre one
where we have no idea where is the finish line. And I also corrected myself
in thinking that I'm not even the one doing this marathon, she is! Me, I'm just
the "marathoner's helper", I keep running along the sides and asking "Do you
want another sip of water?" or "Are you ready for your Power bar now?". My job
is to keep encouraging her too and for that matter, I am not alone in doing
this, I told her that her grand-daughter sent a message saying how much she
loved her and to give her kisses, that her niece called and said she thinks
often of her and that she is coming to visit soon, that even the cashier at
the supermaket asked me how she was doing! I said that we all love you and think
you are wonderful and don't you worry about anything, just keep running, just
KEEP GOING!
To be exact, the word "running" is a little bit too grandiose for what we are
both doing, slow motion shuffling is closer to reality but what matters is that
she knows (more or less intuitively) that we support her and we are there surrounding
her. The finish line will come soon enough. In the meantime, we keep going.
And I got a treat today as I was talking about the weather. But I need to give
you the context and say that "the weather" is a big deal in my family. My father
was quite a weather buff and had been all his life. His passion for the mountain
included understanding (and sharing) what he knew about the weather. He always
used to say that as an alpine guide you better know and respect the weather.
At 60 years old, he went to the university in Chambery and did a special program
on "Alpine glaciation conditions". He told me (proudly) that, at the time, there
were only two places in the world which offered this specialized program, one
was in Boulder, Colorado and the other one in Chambery, Haute-Savoie. So my
father (with his amazing photographic memory) knew tons of stuff about it and
certainly loved to share it. In my family, talking about the weather was not
considered "small talk" but as important as any political or philosophical subject.
For my mother, as she got older and Big Alz progressed, she developed a quirky
thing. Whenever anyone made a comment on the weather she would say "On gouverne
pas le temps!" (we don't control the weather). It was one of her key phrases
which she used a few times a day… If we look at our brain as a bunch of drawers
full of data, she had numerous ones that she could not open anymore. On the
other hand, some of them would pop open constantly at random, usually triggered
by a key word. I must admit that it sometimes bugged me because of the insane
repetition. But I had noticed that it was actually a clever one that would always
get her a good response and was usable in ANY TYPE OF WEATHER! In the summer,
when the baker would say "That's quite a heat wave we're having" My mother would
say "On gouverne pas le temps!" and the baker would answer "That is so true!"
and they would smiled together. In the winter when the neighbor would say "When
is it going to stop snowing?" He would get a solemn "We don't control the weather"
and he would replied "You are so right, Marguerite!".
Earlier today, sitting next to her bed and looking out the window at the November
fog, I kept chatting because she was not really asleep, she was just lying there
resting quietly, buried under the covers, and I think it is good for me to talk
for both of us, it does not matter if it is a one way conversation, she needs
the stimulation and she needs the company, so I said "What nasty weather we are having
today" and a little voice from the bed said "On gouverne pas le temps!"
I laughed and I was so delighted to hear her say this! It was the longest phrase
of the day and I treasured it. It put me in a good mood right there on the spot.
It felt like the marathon was hitting a nice gentle slope and we were actually
cruising for a little while. I daydreamed about my parents and "the weather"
and how both my father's encyclopedic knowledge and my mother's one liner were
morphing right here and then on the spot and bringing me peace for a moment.
Thank God for the moments of joy and peace, that's all I have to say!
Michele Szekely @2013-2021
My mother's name was Marguerite (Daisy) and in her
honor, I am building a photographic collection of these lovely and dear flowers.
MicheleSzekely@2014-2022